I feel it again. When I first got this account the day after I thought I was doing better but it was another lie I shoved down my own throat. I need to be away, I need to be gone. There is no future for me and as much as I’d like to get past all this and have one, I can’t even begin to imagine one because I know I’ll most likely be dead by then. If I’m not I just pity myself and want to throw up over life and hate myself all over again. The only thing keeping me here is that I don’t want to cause my family grief. I couldn’t bear it to destroy them. That’s why I just want to fade away. To have no one know me and be free. And then I think to myself, how did I even get like this I had an untroubled childhood, loving family and friends, no traumatic incidents, so why? I don’t even deserve to be depressed I’m just a little suicidal shit. But it’s consuming me and I hate it. I miss school s lot like I went myself to fail and I used to cry but I can’t anymore. It’s all locked away in the pit of my stomach or I just don’t feel. I need it to end, please. I don’t even care if all I am is a rotting corpse when it’s over I just can’t stand to be in this terrible world anymore. I don’t want to be associated with the human race, I don’t want to live another day with my pathetic self, and I don’t want to see one more ducking concerned face. I’m not on the edge I feel like, I’ve already fallen and I’ve been falling for along time and I just want to hit the bottom and be so far down that no one will remember me and just be gone.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
🙁
don’t give up 🙁
I never imagined a future. I was supposed to be dead summer 2012. My future turned into me dragging myself around, wishing to die, and sitting in a jail cell slamming my head against the concrete wall just knowing I should have killed myself in 2012.
Sometimes there is no reason why depression emerges, just bad chemistry in the brain. Sometimes a lot of shit happened while we were children and our brain hid it from us because it was to hard to bear and process. I can rely to your feeling of being already dead and having nothing to lose. I often feel that way. And I also think the main reason I am still alive is because I don’t want to hurt my relatives. To me suicide is more a consequence than a choice, like death the consequence of life. When life is too hard and there is no reasonable reason to believe it will get any better, when there is no one left to help, I think every person deserves a right to die. Depression is a disease that affects you on a mental, physical and social way, short : it takes everything away from you. Whether you want to find it back or make it the cause of your death is entirely up to you. I think no one has the right to reproach you your decision to end your suffering.
Thx it’s weird that when u feel alone that so many other people are feeling the same way
It’s comforting like a solidarity but u still feel hopeless