there might be hope

note: This is very important. I want to share this and show that hope does exist.

so, hi.

Again, all of the sweet comments, were as my name says, lovely.

Thanks to the people who were concerned about how I’m being treated by others, and also the people who said they had also experienced depression or anxiety. It was very reassuring.

Today was shockingly a decent day, it’s not yet finished, and the night is yet to come, but maybe it’ll all turn out okay. Night is always the worst time for me, and probably the most difficult to get through. I try to sleep it off, but it almost always ends in cutting.

But!! I’m trying to stay positive!! I had a good day, I started it off feeling very happy (maybe the meds are kicking in???), and I made up with one of my old friends! I’m scared they might go to their old ways by doing terrible things to me again, but hopefully I’ll stand my ground.

But now, let me share with you, what I still call a miracle.

Last year, when I was probably in my worst place (besides like the past two/three months), I was walking to the bus, sobbing, with my headphones in. I walk by this old lady with a dog, trying to keep my head down, when she stops and just touches my arm. I take my headphones off, and wipe my eyes, backing away a bit. I asked her if she needed something, like directions, but instead she asked me what was wrong. I gave her the short of it awkwardly, basically just telling her I was suicidal, and shit, and then she hugged me right away. She went on to explain that god was watching us, and he had a plan, and I’m honestly not really a religious person, but in that moment, I believed her. She seemed like an angel, just for me. I just saw the hope in her eyes.

It’s okay. Good people exist, and you’ll meet them. It’ll end up being fine, if you just push day after day. I personally believe in you, and personally am counting on you.