idk what to do

I think to myself how I want to die? like how I’m gonna commit suicide. Like will I slit my wrists? I mean I’ve cut myself before. No that’s to painful and I have no pain tolerance. Would I shoot myself? No I can’t pull the trigger. Would I hang myself? No there’s no where to do it. would I overdose. Now that’s the one I would do. I have held pills in my hand ready to take them down before, but every time what stops me is the thought of leaving and not making it to Heaven. Or the thought that if I go I’ll see how many people really didn’t care.  Or if I fail at my attempt, how would people treat me? OH MY people would treat me even worse. I would have to move and start all over.