Have you ever heard the myth of Persephone?
Persephone was a goddess, kidnapped by Hades and tricked into eating food in the Underworld. When you eat food in the Underworld, you stay. Persephone’s mother was so hurt by the loss, that she demanded Hades let her daughter spend half of her year with her, in the sunlight, and half as the queen of the Underworld. Every spring, Persephone joins her mother and together they bring the earth great joy. Every fall, she descends to the underworld, to rule the damned.
When this feeling came, this unmistakable heaviness, I made an accord with it, like Demeter and Hades. But I was too weak to be in control. The portion of life I kept isolated from this sadness has diminished and the distinction is discernible no more. Darkness seeps into my reality, overpowering the light.
I am Persephone, torn between the light and the dark. I am Persephone descending, striding further and further into hell. What will I do when all that remains is this hell. I fear the rules I gave myself, to feel, but not to be overcome, have all been broken and I will break next. And like Persephone, I will continue downwards, forever alone.