It’s weird. After my suicide attempt back in November, things have been looking up for me. I got a job, going to grad school, getting good grades, and got into a field I really enjoy.
And yet, despite everything going right and being kind of happy, a part of me still feels like ending it all. I wonder why that is.
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L’appel du Vide.
That urge to swerve when driving toward a bridge or by a tree, that urge to fall when on a roof, that itch to fall in front of a train.
Maybe it’s a tortured soul desperately trying to escape a battered body.
Maybe it’s a misinterpretation of a survival instinct attempting to alert the conscious mind of potential danger.
Or maybe sometimes we just want to die because underneath everything there is a profound lack of purpose.