My head races all the time and I can’t stop it. I can’t talk about anything with anyone, and I feel like a freak.i feel like part of me isn’t there. It’s not even about getting laid; I’ve actually had to reject opportunities. I just want to understand another human being and for another human being to understand me. Even if it’s only for the shortest time, and even if it dissolve drives me so far that I actually kill my self over it, I’d really rather die having felt that. I’d already resigned to die more than once, and if I do it again I’d rather do it feeling whole instead of this constant emptiness. It’s gotten to the point where I avoid relationship-heavy themes in the art and media that I consume because i realize I can’t relate to one of the most common, basic, human stereotypes, and that everyone else can. I can’t even feel happy for movie or tv characters because of this. It’s awful and I wish so bad I could make it stop but I can’t.