I’m a guy. For the last four years or so I’ve been dealing with self inflicted appetite irregularities, to the point where it became a challenge to go 24 hours without anything at all. I made it to 48 once. Most of the time it feels like eating almost anything besides maybe a single piece of fruit is going to turn me into the bowling ball I used to be. So I work full day shifts and I might buy a sandwich from across the street on my lunch, but that will have been my breakfast lunch and dinner. The reason for why I started doing any of this is long outdated, but here I am, still starving myself regularly for no real reason. I’ve told maybe 2 people, both close friends about this, and no one else. I’d never tell my family about it, and it’s an embarrassing enough subject to introduce my therapist to, who i haven’t seen in probably a year now. Self diagnosis is stupid, but apparently I’m dropping weight again without trying at all and I just don’t want to eat anything. I keep thinking it’s ridiculous for me to actually have this disorder and it’s just me being unbelievably stupid, but at this rate I don’t know if that’s realistic anymore. I’m ok with damaging myself. And I’m not ok with being ok with that.
does anyone else have this problem or am I going crazy all by myself?
8 comments
I enjoy the pain that comes from annorexia a good day for me is a pack smokes, a cup of jo, and the pain that ensues. I probably have been eating too much, but the scraps I usually eat should be too little. Your post inspires me for that skeleton thin body I have been striving towards
I have similar issues. I don’t eat when I’m anxious, which is quite often. I usually force myself to eat something by 3 pm. Half sandwich or cereal. Started being a constant problem about a year ago. I’ve had people not recognize me. That’s how awful I look!
I’m not that deep in the hole yet, myself. I just noticed it when I needed to go over to my grandmother’s and the first thing she did was look astonished and bring up the weight loss. It hasn’t been all that long really since I’ve seen her. I’m worried it’s doing more to me that I’m able to perceive.
You don’t need to feel embarassed about it.We are who we are, never be ashamed of yourself.My advice is to take help from your therapist.
I’ve been thinking more about it and I think that’s what I really need to do. I just have to work up to it.
Thank you, whatever9
I really hope I’m not pushing you further. I don’t want to hurt anyone . It’s just I can’t tell if I’m overweight or not anymore. I don’t know when I go too far and I feel like I’ve achieved or accomplished something when I do this to myself. I stopped cutting a year ago and now I don’t know if by starving myself I’ve been self harming the whole time. Now I can’t stop thinking about cutting either. The last thing I want is to be an inspiration in that respect.
It sucks what you’re going through. I’ve been there and am in slow recovery. I hope you can find a way out as well. Have you been to the forum myproana? Take it in small doses as some of the people can get snarky (like everywhere on the internet) but for the most part it’s a good judgment free zone about eating disorders. Just like this is a judgment free zone about suicide.
Just be sure to use it as a temporary landing pad, again like this site, if you stay too long it can end up encouraging negative behavior. But if you need to commiserate with fellow sufferers once in a while it may help! 🙂
Thank you lostine, I’ll check it out. I’d never heard of it until now. I’ve literally had no one to talk to about this before.