Me again? I’m still alive?? wtf?? Why me?? Can I just get run over already. I planned it careful. Walk into the road aimlessly. Look at my phone for distraction. Become one of those statistics people use to warn others about the dangers of using your phone. It didn’t work. The bus honked and I was brought back into reality.
Now I feel guilt. Immense guilt. I could have scared the bus driver. I could have scared passengers. I could have scared passersby. I could have scared my friends. But I long for an easy escape. Most people fear death, I see it as an opportunity to rest.
I’m not 92, I’m 25. Cancer almost killed me but it didn’t. The good ones who give so much to this world are gone. I could switch places with them in an instance. I wish I could.
I just want rest
3 comments
You had cancer? That is difficult. I was very ill once, I often wish it had taken me. So I think I get what you’re saying. Sometimes I hope that being kept alive was for a purpose, but often I feel it was because I did something terribly wrong and whatever greater forces exist (though I’m not religious) decided I had to stay…. it’s weird. I don’t wish this upon you but if you feel this way know there’s people whom relate.
Also I’m sorry you tried to end it, you deserve to feel happier. Don’t feel too bad, we are confused little beings. I often think about walking onto the motorway near me but I’m pretty certain it wouldn’t just be me that died D:
I wish so badly that I could take the terminal cancer from someone that doesn’t want it (Especially a child) and have it myself instead. It would be the exact ending I want.. And if the pain and suffering got too much, I could always still kill myself, but my family and anyone else would understand why and sympathize with me, instead of calling me selfish. And someone (again, preferably a young child) could continue their lives, as they wish.
But life just doesn’t work like that unfortunately.. (Yet another reason to not believe in god.. A loving god would allow the above scenario to take place)
yes, I wonder why fate gives cancer and other illness to the people who want to live and not for the ones who want to die so badly. For both of them, its such a torture, I also wish I could exchange someone’s illness or someone’s death with my life. But shit, that option is not available.