I want to do something drastic, but I’m scared. I don’t know what I would do if I did it.
I want to go live back at home, just to clear my head. I live with my boyfriend and we… haven’t been working.
I love him so much, it scares me. Sometimes.. he scares me. I feel like I can’t speak up.
He always somehow makes it my fault. Why is it never yours or ours?
It’s supposed to be us against the world! Where did you go?!
Why did you have to be unfaithful? Why? I know I was sick.. I know I am still sick, but don’t you love me?
You say you do, but you get so cold when you’re mad. You go to a different place in your head. I can’t reach you there.
All of our friends don’t want us together, but I can’t just stop loving you. I don’t want to, but I don’t want to feel the way I do right now.
It makes my eyes cry, my head hurt, and my stomach go in knots. I want the old us back. Before all the pressure and the bullshit.
Before the….. it really hurt. It still hurts.
I know it sounds selfish, but where would I go? Without you? Back home? With him?!
He’d tear me apart. I left to be with you, to be happy. Why am I not happy?
I’m so scared, I’m not good at being alone. I’m scared of myself, of my empty bed, of my trailing thoughts.
What if that space would help us? What if it’ll pull us further apart? I don’t know if my heart can handle losing you. Us.
Fuck! I want someone who treats me better, but if their not you?
… I can’t breathe.
5 comments
This sounds too familiar.
We got in a huge fight today. I finally spoke up! It didn’t go well… I think we might be breaking up.
I feel so empty. Everything hurts. Fucking everything. What do i do?
Shit :/ don’t really know what advice I can offer. I remember that time, and how it felt… I wish you all the best in getting through this.
I know how you feel. Speaking up trying to get our partners to listen and be help full usually backfires, as it has with me every time. So, We stay silent and we hope that someday our partners will understand but they will never walk in our shoes. We are just that…alone. Sorry but for those like us with these mental critters chewing away we can never be ok. No one understands and we are afraid to say anything. If you do, the the results from any intervention can be horrible…speaking from experience. Stay silent and be your best friend and talk among yourselves. Keep’em all guessing. Whacked out—dam straight. So, I’m normal like everyone else? F that…I just want to die.
That’s how a feel right now.. like dying. Im holding his knife, but it’s ok I’m a *****. I could never do it myself. I want a good life, one with him, but maybe I’m not the kind of person who could have that.