I can’t stop thinking about Christmas Eve 2009. my first year as an adult working in the real world…and I thought “hey maybe my life is going to work out”. There was so much promise. so much hope for the future.
Then it all fell apart. I tried to put it back together again. And then it fell apart again, and I tried to put it back together yet again, only for it to fall apart again. And it has been a viscious cycle for the last 9 years: falling apart over and over agin, notwithstanding my numerous efforts to rebuild.
my most recent effort at rebuilding has failed. I do not have the strength to try to rebuild again.
I wish I could go back to that Christmas Eve in 2009. maybe if I could do it all over again…maybe I could get it right.
but of course I can’t go back…and even if I could, who is to say that I wouldn’t just find another way to screw it all up anyway?
But I still wish I could go back to that moment. Just to feel that hope again.
1 comment
Alot of people would love to go back to a certain period of their lives. I have many. Not related but I’ve spent alot on poker machines. I think oh I wish I didn’t mindlessly put money into the machine again.