I believe I was. It wasn’t until the age of 9 that I began to feel that something was ‘wrong’, and it took years to really internalise that sense of wrongness. I’m grateful for the happiness I had, but I also feel it’s loss extremely keenly. It’s like a part of my mind is always searching for a way back to that state, but there is none, which I think increases my sense of suffering. If I’d always felt miserable…I think I’d probably be a lot more angry at the world. But maybe it’d be easier to accept – because I didn’t know anything different. I don’t know.
I can’t understand the question. Can you elaborate on these adjectives you use, happiness and misery? I’ve been bored for as long as I can remember, and that boredom sometimes crests into psychotic irritation.
Never.. I’ve always been poor, ugly and have never had any friends. I was supposed to have ended my life 7 years ago but strangers stopped me. I had to kill myself before things got worse. Oh they got worse than I ever imagined. But I mean really what did I expect as a child molestation victim? Of course they are going to be fascinated with me, we have a little secret after all!! Eh, I thought it was over … the molestation, then they followed me into adulthood.
Seems that both is concerning to have lost any happiness you had or to have always been miserable. Oh well, life is meaningless.
My happiness slowly diminished starting about a year ago. Loosing happiness is worse because then you know what you are missing if that makes sense. Where as if you were never happy you wouldn’t miss what you had.
AXYZ I’ve been happy at times, then i been there done that and move on, like a sugar rush! what ever makes me happy i wear the wheels off! need to do something else i become bored.
always being miserable!
But being miserable is the reason i strive to be happy again, being happy is more of at the moment thing, you can be content more often.
I always felt that there was something wrong, but i did manage to have some periods of happiness. My first memories go a long way back (2 years old) and yup, didn’t feel “normal” at all even back then. Having crappy parents that didn’t know how to raise a child, let alone how to take care of themselves definitely didn’t help.
There was sth wrong with me since I was 11, that’s when I started questioning life’s meaning. But I really fell into this hole called depression 10 years ago when life made clear I couldn’t follow the professional path I had chosen for me and chased for many years. There started all the shit I’ve been carrying. 3 years ago my cats died and since then I’m suicidal and in total loneliness… IDK about being always miserable but about losing happiness I know and it’s really painful. To complete the disgrace I discovered the person I’m with is looking for other people to talk to instead of talking to me. IDK if I’ve been cheated or my boyfriend just wants to vent.
10 comments
I believe I was. It wasn’t until the age of 9 that I began to feel that something was ‘wrong’, and it took years to really internalise that sense of wrongness. I’m grateful for the happiness I had, but I also feel it’s loss extremely keenly. It’s like a part of my mind is always searching for a way back to that state, but there is none, which I think increases my sense of suffering. If I’d always felt miserable…I think I’d probably be a lot more angry at the world. But maybe it’d be easier to accept – because I didn’t know anything different. I don’t know.
I can’t understand the question. Can you elaborate on these adjectives you use, happiness and misery? I’ve been bored for as long as I can remember, and that boredom sometimes crests into psychotic irritation.
Never.. I’ve always been poor, ugly and have never had any friends. I was supposed to have ended my life 7 years ago but strangers stopped me. I had to kill myself before things got worse. Oh they got worse than I ever imagined. But I mean really what did I expect as a child molestation victim? Of course they are going to be fascinated with me, we have a little secret after all!! Eh, I thought it was over … the molestation, then they followed me into adulthood.
Seems that both is concerning to have lost any happiness you had or to have always been miserable. Oh well, life is meaningless.
Yeah. I was. For me, losing happiness is worst.
My happiness slowly diminished starting about a year ago. Loosing happiness is worse because then you know what you are missing if that makes sense. Where as if you were never happy you wouldn’t miss what you had.
I think I was once, but all the shit started in my life in elementary school..
I guess both are equally bad, I wouldn’t compare it, at the end everyone feel the same way.
AXYZ I’ve been happy at times, then i been there done that and move on, like a sugar rush! what ever makes me happy i wear the wheels off! need to do something else i become bored.
always being miserable!
But being miserable is the reason i strive to be happy again, being happy is more of at the moment thing, you can be content more often.
There was always something “wrong” with me.
I always felt that there was something wrong, but i did manage to have some periods of happiness. My first memories go a long way back (2 years old) and yup, didn’t feel “normal” at all even back then. Having crappy parents that didn’t know how to raise a child, let alone how to take care of themselves definitely didn’t help.
There was sth wrong with me since I was 11, that’s when I started questioning life’s meaning. But I really fell into this hole called depression 10 years ago when life made clear I couldn’t follow the professional path I had chosen for me and chased for many years. There started all the shit I’ve been carrying. 3 years ago my cats died and since then I’m suicidal and in total loneliness… IDK about being always miserable but about losing happiness I know and it’s really painful. To complete the disgrace I discovered the person I’m with is looking for other people to talk to instead of talking to me. IDK if I’ve been cheated or my boyfriend just wants to vent.