Hi,
I suppose I’m new here… or not really… I’ve been on this site on and off for a couple of years maybe. It is today that I do more than read, though…
It is today that I can’t go on, silent… I’m breaking, and hurting, and the worst of all is that it is not me who is hurt. I’m hurting others.
The same others that take care of me. The same others that care for me. The same others that choose to love me. Hurt.
My life is falling apart and it is my closest that are taking the shrapnels… I can’t take it anymore… I’m a fucking mess and I’m not even worth it…
I used to be good at this… Smile, Hyperactive, crazy ideas… still broken, still hurt them, but at least compensated with my best… now… now, I don’t even bother hiding my cuts… now, I smile and even I am repulsed by how fake it is. I used to be a master of a fake sincere smile… now, I barely hold a natural conversation… I sound irritated, when I am only angry at myself… now I am sorry and apologetic more than thankful… Why is that? No one around me deserves this! None of it! No one signed up for this mess!
I’m still sorry, though… I really am sorry for being like this…
And I won’t say it to whomever I mean it, because I deserve forgiveness too little, and they will give it too quickly…
So yeah, I suppose that’s Hi~
nice to meet you 🙂
4 comments
hi, nice to meet you too.
Welcome ^_^
welcome, welcome back. nice to meet you
You are worth it. That’s why they are still there.
We all go through pain and we all handle it at our own level. It’s not something we choose. Obviously you care because you’re searching for a way to make it better. That’s where these thoughts ultimately come from. We want to change and are burdened by our lack of ability at the moment. It’s not for this moment to find change but to find direction instead. That is the first step and I think you have taken it. Next we strengthen our will and we do that with determination. Remember that you will have failures and it’s okay, just pick yourself up and keep going.