Ranting in pain

I am going in circles.

There’s pain–a little lull–and then pain again.
I can’t feel anything other than pain.

For me, joy is the absence of pain.

Am I not good enough? Smart enough? Deserving enough?

I am too sensitive, too stupid, too much.

My internal monologue revolves around these issues.

My brain tells me that the reasonable thing to do it die. It will save so much effort and so much pain.

Oh, God, make it stop, please.