???

am i the only one who gets scared of being like that again? i’m not how i was in 2018, and that was a bad year, but i make myself worse by getting scared that it’s gonna be like that again.

and nothing even happens to make me feel like that. i’m just sitting with my friends at lunch and i realise that no ones listening to what i’m saying and that its not important anyways. and that’s it. then i begin to think about the worst things. i’m not an interesting person, not even enough to get my friends to listen. i’m not even a good person from the start. i’ve made so so so many mistakes and i tell myself that it’s ok and that i can learn from it. but for some reason no matter how hard i try to be myself and be noticed or sOMEThING, it never works. i don’t even need approval from others. i just feel like my existence doesn’t matter and it wouldn’t make a difference if i was there or not. because if i admit it, i’m antisocial, reserved and indecisive. there’s literally no difference if i was there or not