I’m 21 years old, pre-medical student. I killed myself, some would say it was an accident but I crossed the street aware that the incoming traffic will kill me. I didn’t leave a suicide note, I didn’t need to let my parents know how much a mess I was and they did not do anything to help me. I didn’t want any help I just wanted it to end, I don’t want them wandering the ‘what ifs’ just let them think it was an unfortunate accident.
Why you ask? I barely remember anything at all, new information would go over my head, my temper always rising and everything seemed pointless at this point. Some people would say, you should get some help. BUT I DON’T WANT HELP, I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN CLOSE MY EYES AND DON’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING. If I think too much my head aches, my eyes dries as if I haven’t slept for days even I had a good night’s sleep. I wonder what’s wrong with me, I barely even remember my birthdate or even age. I can’t spell my own name properly. I just want it to end.
1 comment
ive been there. id be talking to people and i wouldnt have a clue about anything because id forget just as soon as it was said. my stress levels were so high that i was literally concerned about having a heart attack on a daily basis. but since i started started my medication things havent been so bad. im happier now. im yelling and stressing less. my mind is clearer, i can actually think about things and remember things. i find im more productive. im not saying to get help im just saying that it might actually help and explaining how its been for me. i know it can be really difficult it took me 4-5 years to get to where i am now because of how stubborn i can be at times and how far down the depression dragged me. if you do decide to get help i would be happy to be here for you. i know having a friend there with me has helped me a lot. i would have quit it all last week or the week before that if i didnt have my friend.