Does anyone else feel guilty over things they’ve never done?
I read a post online from a deaf girl who said she was tired of people pretending to know sign language. And I thought “Damn. Well, I feel like a shit person now.” That being said, I’ve never interacted with a deaf person nor have I ever pretended to sign to them. I guess it taps into my debilitating fear of accidentally insulting someone. I hate any kind of conflict, and I’d rather bring a razor to my wrist than bring about any kind of animosity with someone.
I’ve pretty much decided that if I end up offending someone somehow, I’ll just kill myself on the spot. Slit my throat, throw myself out the nearest window, drink antifreeze, something like that. I figure then they won’t be offended anymore (probably just horrified) and I won’t have to live with the crippling knowledge that I unintentionally offended someone. It’s a win for everyone. (Expect the person who has to clean up the body.)
Sorry for the weird post. I’m entering that “don’t give a fuck” stage of my depression. Sorry if the obnoxious humor leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
3 comments
Ha! At least you have humor! I wasn’t sure it was humor at first. I mean, after all, we live in a world where everyone is offended about everything so…
honestly though, not everyone is very easily offended. That is one really messed up thing about society though… So many people walking around feeling entitled.
Sorry if that was a tangent. I have to say that you are uniquely compassionate and considerate of other people’s feelings.
That is a beautiful quality! Just don’t put yourself under that kind of pressure. It’s not fair to you. None of us are perfect.
We have to allow ourselves to make mistakes. Sometimes we are our own worst critics. Hang in there.
I dated someone for a while, many years ago. We were serious. We lived together and became engaged… The story is my outside view of his depression.
I tried to understand it but he said I never did. He was sad, very sad. He was also angry. At times, his anger would erupt out of nowhere and I honestly couldn’t predict it. Sometimes I tried to be very careful with what I said around him and still he was up in arms about seemingly nothing. It was really hard but I loved him so much. He spent a lot of time in bed. Sometimes I would get into bed with him and just hold him. I wanted to make it better but I couldn’t. I still loved him because I think my love was true. It would take a toll on me sometimes. My friends would not hear for me for a while and I think they kind of got used to it. Not that we didn’t go out with friends sometimes but it was mainly just him and I. Even though I would say I’m more social of a person than him, he did a great job at fooling people. He was so funny and just fun to be around, when he wasn’t depressed. It’s been so long I don’t remember everything but this is just my side of the story. I loved him as much as I could and I always will. I still miss him deep down, to this day. I pray that he is in a better place.
OK, sorry I got all sappy on you but, I guess the reason for me telling you all this is that it sparked a memory in me when you said you’re reaching your don’t give a f**k stage of your depression.
I know he definitely had lots of those moments. I will say one thing… He was a perfectionist. He was very, very hard on himself. He held himself to a higher standard than he could attain. He had a good heart but he was so wounded. No matter how much I loved him I couldn’t heal those wounds. I didn’t say all this to leave you more hopeless. I do wish he had been open to God. That’s where I get my hope. I hope you are going to be OK and even better than OK.
In my opinion, if someone gets offended, it’s their problem, not yours. I don’t like to offend people either, but even with the case of the death girl, I still think it’s her own fault for letting fake sign language get to her. I guess that stems from my high interest in buddhism where you are responsible for your own emotions. Yeah, fake signing is annoying and rude, but she has a thousand other problems much bigger than just small annoyances.
There are far worse things in this life than feeling offended. I also hate conflict, but it takes two people to have one. As long as your intentions are decent, it’s on the other person how they want to respond (obviously faking sign language doesn’t indicate good intentions.)