It’s been a while since the last time I was here. Now, with all this Covid stuff, I’ve been isolated at home for 5 weeks. Most people seem to have problems with being locked, there must be a feeling of loneliness and despair and things like these in our society nowadays, but for me it’s kinda different. As someone with social phobia, these weeks inside home with no contact with people have been wonderful. But this is the problem with me right now.
I started (again) my PhD in january, and I’ve had some problems with the academic part, I’m not an intelligent person, and the academic standard is very high. The schedule of activities Is getting me tired frequently, and since many years ago I have some kind of cronical fatigue, so I fall asleep in clases very frequently, my profesor/boss has seen it and is very upset with me.
After the start of the quarintine in my country, the progress in my research proposal is Zero, basically because I don’t feel any motivation to get up from bed and do things.
So, I’m failing at this (again).
And altough I’m hating myself so much for doing so, at the same time I don’t care.
Now I wonder how will be the eventual return of normality to the society, when I finally have to leave my house and face the failure one more time. I don’t want to leave this place and, in some way, I’m ready to lose my last opportunity of making something good in my life for one time.
1 comment
I’ve had chronic tiredness for as long as I can remember and everything you said – I feel. If anything you’re not alone and you’re not wrong, I feel 1% better knowing we are on the same page of this book called life.