I just want to disappear. Not completely, not off the face of there Earth. Just disappear from everyone who knows me. Disappear from everything that brings me down in life. Disappear from everyone that an extensive, lasting bond has been formed with. Because frankly, not every one of these bonds is a positive or fruitful bond. In fact some are quite the opposite, yet they’re bonded nonetheless and it is one that cannot be broken for some time.
I want to disappear and travel to a portion of the world where I can be me. Do my things. Not be judged. Be recognized of the capabilities I do have rather than continually be treated like I’m stupid. I want to lose my mind for days. I want to indulge myself in freedom. I want to let loose and be accepted for my lifestyle (I like drugs, love drugs. Cocaine. Ecstacy. Mushrooms. LSD. And I can’t even enjoy them on occasions.) And because I enjoy these simple pleasures, I’m looked at as a wash up rather than the fact that I’m in a high position at a lucrative paying company. I’m looked at as an idiot rather than someone who has worked and applied myself to move forth in life. I’m not a wash up, low life, piece of shit, whatever. I’VE TAKEN MY LIFE PLACES!!! Yet, with the way I get treated, I just want to say fuck it all and lose myself.
I want to disappear. And for once be recognized.
3 comments
I totally understand you.
I felt that first paragraph. I also have this feeling that I want to burn all the bridges and disappear from the life of the people I’ve known for a long time. I just want to be me and it’s almost impossible with them. I really understand that.
It becomes an agonizing life. Sometimes like your living multiple lives rather than just YOUR life.