I hate talking about my feelings. People nod and smile like they understand how my emotions make me feel. They laugh and say everything will be okay, but it won’t. It never is. I smile back, give them a nod.
”Yeah, you’re right. Thanks!”
I say it every time just to get away. I break down, mentally exhausted, and reach out for comfort or even help… but nothing arises. They just say the same old shit:
Itll get better, you’ll be fine, stop worrying so much.
It gets worse when people have nothing to say. They just give you a sympathetic look. They just try to relate when they can’t. Who am I to judge them? It’s not their burden, it’s mine. Now I’ll trek my life with all my own baggage on my own back. Why can’t people do the same? How come I’ve realized this, but nobody else can? I’m sick of scape goating for people I care about when they wouldn’t do the same for me.
Where do you turn when you have nobody to talk to? A journal? Should I write my feelings? Should I cry? Should I drink? Should I drive? When nobody cares about my problems, why should I? My friendships are desolate. I value people based on their worth rather than their appearance or their personality. I can’t change that about myself anymore, not that I’d want to. Nights I lay awake as my thoughts eat away at my sanity. I just wish I had that person I could turn to and ask them to just tell me things will be okay. That my life won’t be like this forever.
But, with no hope comes no motivation. No motivation means no change. No change means no happiness. No happiness means, who knows.
3 comments
…you know. ..I don’t really know what to say …I’m dealing with same problem almost, a moment ago I was thinking why I should be in such a devastating situation. .. I don’t know if my words help you …saying that I may be as misrable as you but if you like to talk with someone I will be glad to talk with you …as it’s said only misrable people can help each other … It’s my mail address if you want: negaremadi.92@gmail.com
Does everybody secretly feel as miserable as us?
I cant say for sure I’d everyone is as miserable. It puts me in a weird spot, not knowing if I should feel better or worse that I’m not alone. I’m glad people are willing to accept each other no matter the burden. I doubt most people feel like us, I feel like there would be many more things to do to help it. Maybe they’re just really good at hiding it, who knows.