It’s been a while since I posted one of these.
This isn’t going to be one of these “woe is me” posts. I think I’m over posting those. Not because I feel much better, but because it just feels kinda immature and I don’t want to bother people with my problems anymore.
I’m posting this in an effort to get an answer to my questions.
Lately, I’ve started giving to charities. Nowadays, with me barely able to build up the courage to leave the house, giving money and support from a distance is really all I’m capable of doing. People need support anyway they can get after all. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
I don’t know why, but it doesn’t make me feel as good as I thought it would. In fact, I often feel worse after I give to people. I get this sickening guilty feeling. As if something inside me is saying, it’s not enough. That I should be giving more. That I should be ashamed of myself for giving so little. I feel terrible if I donate less than I did before or I don’t answer the emails I get from charity organizations. I got a letter from one of them. Yes, a physical letter. The three notes I got basically eqauted to, “Thank you for your donation. Please send more money.” It actually made me cry a little.
Believe me, I’d love to give more. But I’m currently a student, and basically out of a job now. So I need to save my money for when/if I go to live on campus. But still, I feel so selfish for doing so. These people need this more than me. I can handle going broke if it means I can save a few lives with my donations. That’s what my brain has been telling me.
I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way. I know helping people just to make yourself feel good is intrinsically bad, but I didn’t think I’d feel worse about myself. I feel like nothing I do is enough and it’s starting to effect my self-esteem. I know my thought process is wrong, but I just don’t know how to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to give without feeling as if it’s not enough? Thanks in advance.
5 comments
Try to remind yourself that the people who recieved the money most likely dont care about you. However much YOU want to give is always enough.
I think the whole point of this website is to allow people to vent freely. So don’t feel immature for using it. as for the rest of the post withering hope is kind of right.
Yes, please feel free to express your hurt, it’s why this site was made for!
You’re so generous in giving so much of what you have, to charities!! I believe that the feeling in you of “I should have given more”, is wonderful!! Imagine how amazing and good the world would be if instead telling people to hate those from the opposing party, the system cultivated generosity and kindness in people!
I’d say up to 50% is okay, beyond that you’re just screwing yourself over.
Accept that you feel ambiguous and guilty. Instead of trying to escape those feelings. Life isn’t supposed to be satisfying and all tied up with a red bow. Sometimes you have inner conflicts. Such is life.
It’s very generous of you to give to other people. Try also to cultivate spirituality or find a good religion. It would help you so much more! You need support yourself. Try to find good people through a religious organization, go to some church and meet new people even if you don’t share their believes. It’s very important to stay in touch with other people.