Scrolled FB tonight for the first time in weeks. Toxic shit. Made the mistake of asking for advice and support in a private support group I run, being vulnerable, specifically asking for kindness and sensitivity about the matter. Got called names in acronyms I didn’t understand because I’m autistic, and when I asked what it meant, they told me and laughed. In a fucking support group. That I own.
Nowhere is safe.
Why do I keep forgetting this? Why do I keep stupidly trusting and opening up and trying?? Why do I keep reaching out for support in one of the most toxic spaces on the planet?
Oh right, because I have no other options. I have one friend I can even somewhat trust and open up to, but this thing was about him, so I can’t ask him… and I have nobody else to ask. So I turned to some fucking strangers, only to be bullied.
Trauma heaped upon trauma. Couldn’t talk to anyone about the first thing, and now there’s more and I can’t talk to anyone about this. So here I am again, crying into a digital void, to strangers who don’t know me and don’t care.
I can’t anymore.
If I had a better method, I’d be gone already.
3 comments
I wish i could help you. May be you can write whats bugging you here. Every queries in whatever depth in however way you are comfortable, don’t let anyone hurt you. They are not worth it!
People do care, some are just cynical. Everybody is different in their stages of life.
1. I’ve seen someone who used to be homeless than found success now he’s back to despising homeless people again – those scums you can never change.
2. Then you have the homeless who found success and now don’t discriminate.
It’s more about hypocrisy most of the time when you’re dealing with cynicism / negativity . Better to remember and avoid those situations if you can to protect your future memories.
Because you’re at a website that deals solely with the depression aspect of life you’re more likely to get a better response than going to Facebook where it’s more of a narcissistic medium.
Perhaps they were joking? With, you know, you being the owner of a support group and saying that, it doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility. Perhaps they thought you were testing them, that you were trying to see whether they are prepared and able to help people adequately.