Disordered and Done

i’ve had an eating disorder for basically my whole life i think. i don’t know because i have severe ptsd and i have very little memories from 12-13 or earlier. i don’t talk to my family, i have almost no friends because i pushed them all away. my ex recovered from his eating disorder and is doing so well and i’m just… here… just as fat and just as mentally ill as before.

i don’t want to get better. i just want it to stop. i don’t want to do this