Been a part of this page since before I was blinded and nearly killed by a brain tumor in 2009. It’s been a long HARD road and not one second of time went by where I didn’t contemplate killing myself. NOW is the time….it has finally come. The rope needed to keep me out of suicide water has run out. I now must fall. All these words likely my last and NO ONE will ever know I even wrote these words. The ache of needing the “strength” to go threw with it is over. I KNOW it’s time. It feels shitty but also liberating. The release from bullshit life’s icy grip. Just go to sleep….for the final time. It’s finally OVER.
(Brain tumor, Type 1 DIEabetes, Bi-polar, broken mind)
2 comments
If you’re up for telling us about it, what made the rope run out? I get you’re having health issues, but it sounds like that has been the case for a while and you’ve gotten by this far.
Yea, I guess the “strong” me just aint got it no more….SO done….specially when vengeance in death is so easily attained. Don’t wanna die angry but anger is the key to overcoming the god damned human self preservation instinct. I’d say every other thought in my mind from age 15 1/2 has been how to fuckin kill this broken vessel….AND how to do it while I still can (gotta be mobile, with enough strength to do it ) and I’ve been an open SCREAMING book the entire time! it’s painfully obvious i’m NOT okay and the sheer fear of dying is all that holds me here….the pain and anger will win….soon I hope. Bottom fuckin line…it’s the incurable disease that killed me. Not the blindness, the dick pain I still have cuz I tried to remove my catheter after brain surgery 11 years ago tomorrow or the “bi-polar”, it was the fuckin HUNGER….I’m a fuckin starving ************! SO HUNGRY!!!!!! well then EAT! yea easy for yall to say….I have a fucked up disease so food is….man FUCK THAT! I know DIEabetes is “managable” but muthafuckas don’t KNOW this pain!!!! the only person I knew with it…..fuckin DIED a few years ago. I’m SO dead. I told them muthafuckas ” you got the WRONG guy!” when diagnosed and I’ve never stopped thinking that way. I’m my own executioner. Fuckin liars coulda said THAT instead of the bullshit lie ” don’t worry, there will be a cure soon” fuckin 22 years later im outta rope.