Storage

Do you ever feel like your head is just a place of storage of memories of all of the wrong you’ve made? I try to focus on the happy memories but my mind is in an eternal loop of all of the things I’ve fucked up. The people I’ve hurt. The shit I’ve done to my body. To my mind.
And I try to break the cycle and sometimes I can feel a little bit better but it’s just a few days and then I fall into the dark again. And my mind keeps making scenarios of my death and what it would be like. How would I feel the relief. But then again I’m scared of that too because it would be another fucked up thing to do to the ones I think love me. The ultimate wound. And so the nightmare begins again and I don’t know if it ever stops.