The Simpler Days

I was reading an old poem my sister had written about our childhood growing up in my church. It was in this poem that I realized how much I missed the simplicity of childhood. Before I made what I thought would be a lifelong friend, and then had to say goodbye. Before I got my heart broken by someone I thought I loved. Before I felt obligated to say yes, even if I wanted to say no. Before I said no, and was not taken seriously. Before I moved 2 hours away from my best friends for college. Before I used alcohol to drown my feelings. Before I became numb to the world around me. Before I started hating the way I looked in the mirror. Before my family lost faith in me. Before I let my anxiety take over my life. Before I lost sight of my future, or just couldn’t imagine having one. Before i became the person people sleep with once, and then leave. Before I started basing my value on whether other people liked my appearance or not. Before I became a master at fake laughing so people wouldn’t ask me questions. Before I lost my smile, and replaced it with a thin line instead. Before I was told I wasn’t good enough. Before I stopped allowing myself to have feelings so I couldn’t get hurt again. I always knew growing up was hard, but I didn’t think I would make it to this age, this stage in life. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t.