Still doing no better than before and now actually worse, I truly want to give up on life more than ever before. Covid19, Rioting, Looting, Vandalism, Murders, Children being raped while their rapists go free to commit the same crimes but all I see is arguing over who’s right and nothing is being done. I am still alone and I’m still the same fuckup I have always been. I was bullied physically always getting my ass kicked growing up. Those that went to school with me made fun of me or shunned me since I was different. Failed relationships with women who cheat and lied to me. Women who see me as not even worthy of giving me the chance because they see me as too ugly to want to be with someone so hideous. I am just tired of it all and want to take the pain away.. Every day I watch the world go to hell more and it saddens me and breaks my heart that the world is so bent on it’s own self-destruction. Most would think I am “Mad” for wanting it to end and the pain to go away but who that is sane really wants to live in a world where there is nothing but hate, violence and selfishness? Please don’t give me that fluffy crap the world will get better or my life will get better it won’t. I’ve tried psychiatrists, medications, meditations and numerous other things and it doesn’t get better because humanity in it’s stupidity will not wake up until it destroys itself.