Ok so i found this site 2 weeks ago when i was in a really dark place catalyzed by another hostile attack from my dear mother. i live with a lazy hoarder mom, an even lazier hoarder, narcissistic, abusive dad and my dirty lazy twin brother. all the housekeeping falls on me and i sob internally as i watch our 2 year old house become the disgusting, filthy, embarrassing house we moved out of. whatever anyways, i’m numb, i don’t even know if u can consider it a depression. i just feel nothing. it’s been like this for 5 months, i have no passion, absolutely no ambition…nothing to live for (not to sound cliche) im just ready for peace. i’m tired of people asking what i want to pursue and me having nothing to give them. hobbies i used to enjoy i have no interest in. i feel like a shell of a person. when i think of the perennial passage of time i get so sad. i feel like i wasted the whole year, i have nothing to show for it. my teenage years are going to waste…and it pains me the think about. i don’t think i’ll ever feel love…i’m planning on killing myself before my 16th birthday in 2 months. this isn’t for anybody else but me. i just want a painless method, if there is such a thing.
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First of: Welcome here, even though it’s under these circumstances.. Sometimes I wish I could go back to my teenage years but then again, there are so many things I didn’t experience yet. Great and bad ones. Feeling numb, not enjoying anything that has made you happy before, is indeed a form of depression. Take it from someone, who just this second read their old messages, being your age. You either become the friend, that figured their life out and never returns or you become the friend who never changes and stays at the same place after many years, waiting for someone to come back. I’ve always been the latter, but my point is.. you can be the other person. Some people make it through their teen years and some people just don’t. And some people, like me, or a bunch of others who sorta ‘made it’ and come here. Your teenage years are not wasted yet.! But even if you don’t spend it like ‘normal’ teens, it doesn’t mean you’ve wasted anything. You just gained different experiences than them. I’m sorry if this wasn’t helpful to you. I want a time machine to go back to this age and just be around the people that once treasured me, and not the happy version they need me to be as an adult. Take care Shell~
The first time I decided to commit suicide was around my 16th birthday, I attempted a week after I turned 16, my advice is to wait. At 16 so much of your life is still reliant on your family, and while I am still fighting these feelings there is much opportunity in your early 20’s. You can get away from your hoarding family and have a place of your own, where you only have to clean up after yourself (and maybe a partner if you choose), and you can spend your time how you deem appropriate without their approval or otherwise.
I know how hard it is to get through those years but the biggest game changers are just ahead of you right now, don’t let your family take that from you.
Sounds like a pretty dark place you’re in, not that I’m one to criticize on that matter. Teen years are about searching for identity, being confused and frustrated. You’re acing that. If you have something you would rather do, try and figure out how to make that happen.
Peace is a byproduct of being bought out, and I can give you the simple recipe that always sells; get a few skills that other people don’t want to bother with. Find work that drives off almost everyone that shows up, but that some people manage to do for years. That’s the place of relative peace, as much as anyone has. Else, find another path to a quiet place where you can mostly meditate. Meditating is like sleeping in terms of actual effort, and therefor the closest a human can get to death.
So you don’t like your family? Awfully passionate about it, eh? Almost as if you feel a strong desire to care about these people, even though they continually demonstrate themselves unworthy. Hence, constantly selling yourself the idea that they should be discarded. Yet, you haven’t gotten there. I might be reading things that are not there at all, perception is a fickle thing.
It seems like the best way to exit is to live life to the full. Not an easy thing feeling like this, but there you are. Nothing about dying is easy. It is far simpler to make life relatively effortless, because everyone has an expiration date. Then you just wait, along with the rest of us restless prisoners of fate. Welcome!
I still keep coming back to that the choice between death and waiting for death is for how soon one will begin to be transformed into dirt. If you’re like me, you’ve got some anger about being shoved into a situation which you didn’t earn, didn’t want. Good, use that, remake the world into one that is easier for people like us to live in.
That despair is so prominent, so pervasive is evidence that the wrong sorts of people are running things, people who believe in “acceptable casualties” including human lives. Making a dent in that is my mission. You can have it too, if you’d like. Or perhaps you would like to become the greatest *something*, there are so many things that people do half-assed. Maybe the greatest ice cream maker, or the greatest wood carver? There’s something out there that is marginally entertaining enough that you can while away the rest of your life on it.
Hmm… Since your bored you should try something you’ve never tried like Listening to other music genre. Go for walks in nature. Look at the sun. Or even read quotes from Past legends like nikola tesla or Bob marley etc…. Its actually quite Refreshing.