The pain is numb… suicide is the only way out

Got divorced after a 5 year marriage from the only woman I ever had in my life (and I mean on every aspect). That was 10 years ago. I am now 45 years old, still single, had no other woman since then, and will probably never have any other. Can’t say I have the physique for it anymore anyway. She wanted kids and I did not. Hence I had to “man up” and divorce her. Her culture view divorce as very bad. She did not want the marriage to end. But if I stayed with her, she would have never asked for divorce, and would have been unhappy for the rest of her life. I would then be unhappy since I knew I would have been the cause of her unhappiness. I could not let that happen so I demanded divorce. My concern was her, not me, and what was the honorable thing to do. She is now married (no kids yet). She is happier than when she was with me (or at least seems so). We do talk from time to time on the phone. And although it has left me tremendously lonely (and probably will for the rest of my life, however long it might be), I still would make the same decision. Actually, I would have probably chosen to never meet her if I knew beforehand she wanted kids. Having made that decision, I can look myself in the mirror knowing I did the right thing. The pain I felt during the divorce was crushing. But it was the right thing to do for her to be happy.