lately the way I’ve been hurting myself isn’t enough. contrary to popular belief, I don’t cut because of the pain- I cut to watch the blood drip down my legs. There’s something very surreal about watching yourself bleed, it’s quite relaxing honestly. anyway, I’ve been using the blade of a pencil sharpener to cut myself with- but it hasn’t been doing as much damage anymore. It won’t cut deep enough, or at least not enough to watch myself bleed. part of me wants to try using an actual razor, though I’m scared I’m going to go too deep and see more flesh of myself than I would like. I know these things aren’t pretty, I just wish there was a way to balance my addiction.
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6 comments
i like to change it up. the same routine gets boring and ineffective after a while just like taking the same drug. maybe explore different kinds of self harm? the world is your fucking oyster lol
maybe if i’m drunken ballsy enough I’ll use an actual razor and go at it 🙂
you have more balls than me, I draw the line at actual razors & knives.. i figure once you lose your razor virginity then there’s nothing stopping you. but smashing my head thru walls, now that I can do like a champ. seriously i hope you can stay away from actual razors… use your teeth if you have to but i hear once you start using razors you can kiss your skin goodbye 🙁
more than a pencil sharpener but less than a razor wld prolly be an xacto blade. there’s obvi the basic shape but if you go to a craft or hardware store there shld be a variety of different blade types, like #16 is pretty much as safest/gentlest bet if you’re worried. depending on how well you care for the pencil sharpener blade is may be a more sanitary option? I worry a lot abt sanitation bc I’ve had shit get infected back when I was homeless and reckless which was so not groovy. but back then I was using a multipurpose knife (a very dumb move). best bet is to have a specific blade that hasn’t been and won’t be used for anything else, to clean it (and your uh work area) b4 and afterwards, and to store it dry in an airtight container.
be wary with real razors. they can go wayyy deeper than you want them to. also, I’m not advocating self harm, but if you are currently dealing with s/h addiction, always always ALWAYS disinfect everything: the cutting site before & after, the blade before & after, and always wash your hands before you do anything.
sorry I did not mean to add my message to that comment thread. I’m not very good at the internet