I desperately want to kill myself. money has been a major issue for me. I’m struggling to pay for therapy & I’m barely just getting by. The loan my mom is giving me is slowly adding up and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to reimburse her. I don’t know when my school financial aid is coming in either, overall it’s a mess. My family has been extremely unsupportive of me being trans and my overall mental health. My mom yells at me for being suicidal. I want to attempt suicide but the thought of surviving and having to deal with my mom berate me would absolutely ruin my life. I worry I’m going to be kicked out of my own home for starting hormones soon. I recently got a job as well, it’s my first job ever, and if I were to attempt and I survive somehow (which is most likely, all my suicide attempts sadly seem to fail) I’m afraid of losing my job. I just feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to suffer through life regardless and I just can’t do it anymore
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4 comments
I mean, the fact that you’re interested in transitioning makes me think you do want to try to live, even if it’s difficult, because why bother going through all of that if you don’t want to have a future? (just my appreciation, might be wrong there). Just an idea, but maybe give your job a bit more time? you might find some enjoyment there and that might help with your money situation.
You should become an over the road trucker. And then the road will be your home till you become successful. Of course this is always my solution for everything. There’s always some trans people at these truck stops driving semis for some reason. I like drag but it’s not really my life for whatever reason. So I kinda relate. I had suicide attempts over money and like drag. The attempts didn’t ruin my life. Extremely expensive hospital bill tried to but I got it taken care of. I don’t recommend hormones but it just wasn’t for me and I’m sure it can be great for some. I just don’t think anyone needs them for their identity to be what they want. I also kind of hate gender. I’m just a person who’s attracted to other people. That’s my identity. I think it’s good to accept yourself how you currently are. Transitioning will be expensive and you’re suicidal and money has been a big issue. I mean well.
I`m also trans though I`m not out to my parents yet. Frankly, I`m terrified to tell them because I know they wouldn`t accept me, and I always admire those who are strong enough to come out. (Sorry for the rant) I don`t really have any advice, I guess it just saddens me that so many parents are like this.
I feel like you should give things a chance to settle. Give your job a few months like Mf said, maybe your financial situation will get better. Good luck. I hope you’re doing okay.