I’ve been feeling pretty dead inside, everything just been feeling so pointless. But today I actually really felt something; hate, bitter envy.
I don’t know what caused it I’ve seen it all before, but today when I saw someone with everything I ever wanted, everything more, everything I never will have. It was suffocating.
After having a breakdown and pushing those feelings away and thinking clearly again I don’t know why it bothered me so much. I’m not sure I even actually want those things anymore or if it’s just a holdover from when the old me died. Maybe even knowing I’ll never have any of it there’s a part of me looking for any excuse to prolong this misery.
Honestly I don’t know if I actually even want anything anymore aside from this too be over, that it stops hurting.
1 comment
Might have been a residual feeling left from a previous situation… seeing that triggered it and bam, there you go feeling envy, yet amplified for all the time you haven’t felt anything. It is a sign that you can still feel tho, which i don’t think it’s such a bad thing (might be wrong there tho).