Life is so incredibly sad and painful. As children, we’re idealistic. We believe in the goodness of others, and that the problems of this world are simple. Of course we’ll find a solution if we all love each other. For me, part of maturing has been coming to accept that the world can’t be saved. The easiest way to be well in civilization is if you’re either ignorant or indifferent to the impacts of humanity on the suffering of other living beings. For those of us who are aware, life can be unbearable. The way we treat animals, our environment, and each other is a tragedy. Most people don’t want to change their ways for a better world, and almost none of us even knows how to. By being a citizen of society, oil is burned on my behalf, and I generate tons of trash and waste. But I don’t have the skills or courage to go live in the wild, and neither do most of us, and neither could most of us. There’s simply too many of us to live any other way than in a civilization. There are so many of us that there’s no way to support the population without destroying our planet, our own home. We can do small things to nudge ourselves in the right direction, like use more renewable energy. But in the grand scheme of things, will Westerners really give up their luxuries for the sake of our descendants? will the rich and powerful?
We can’t go back, and moving forward is also destructive. All I can do is accept that I live in a dying world on fire, a world full of suffering beings like me. The suffering humans use vices that cause collateral damage to self and others, like power/money-seeking, shopping, partying, entertainment, alcohol, and drugs to numb or try to escape the pain. Most people aren’t even aware that this is what they’re doing. We won’t give up our numbing agents for a better world, because we can’t stand our own pain.
It makes me wonder: If there is a loving God, and God was limited to be in the form of a human body like us, what would God do in this world? I think God would find ways to be a balm on the pain of this planet, like a priest comforting the dying in the battlefield of a war zone. There are people who feed the homeless or take care of orphans in Africa, and don’t take any compensation for themselves. Humanity is the Titanic, doomed to suffering, death, and destruction, and a couple of brave souls help ease suffering of others as the ship goes down. They’re the ones who give me hope. Will I ever be able to drop my selfishness so that I can be like them? I don’t even know what I can do that would be helpful. Maybe just acknowledging that we’re all suffering, even the people who outwardly seem to be well, is enough.
2 comments
This touches on something I’ve been pondering for awhile, reconciling what it takes to live with carrying on. I’ve often thought that I don’t want what this life entails, and yet I feel obligated to, responsibilities and ties that require my participation in a world I could do without.
I understand exactly what you are saying and have had the same questions. I would love to just leave this sick society and live in the wilderness but Im getting too old now for that even though I had a lot of those skills to do it. Sometimes I think about becoming a missionary and going someplace like Africa or Central America where it truly is hell on earth and get a different perspective. I have been deep into Mexico and have seen great suffering and poverty when I was younger. I was partying and doing drugs but what I saw still put me in tears. The plus side to serving the less fortunate is I would probably end up being killed or get some disease so prevalent in those areas that kill you fast. At least my life would have meant something.