I can’t take it anymore

there are a number of options, mostly that we aren’t allowed to talk about. The cost both physical and financial of an exit goes up the more likely it is to bring an end. Pills, as you have accurately seen are not an effective exit at all, painful and all that.

I can tell you that in time, if things don’t convince you otherwise, death comes to those who want it. My body is in the end stages of giving up, after a decade of trying to talk myself into living, the reasons grow ever more slim. The world becomes a darker and more hopeless place by the day, it’s the conditions of our species. Death gets cheaper by the day as well.

Eventually, I believe you’ll find a method that is acceptable…. or die of natural causes. Depression is wonderful because it saps your emotional resources, leading to self neglect and eventually an earlier death. I read a story about prisoners of war where the ones that got up and washed their faces lived, and those who didn’t died. There were more factors, but everyone eventually gets a choice.