Am I ungrateful, obnoxious or a liar for feeling suicidal?

I’ve been feeling pretty shitty about myself lately since I feel ungrateful because I know I have a life that many others wish they had and yet I still want to kill myself. I’ve also been disgusted with myself since I feel so obnoxious, I’ve been telling myself I’m stressed when other people have it far worst and wanting things to be different when I have everything I need. On top of that I’ve been feeling guilty since everyone around me thinks I’m positive and confident when I’m really the opposite by not denying these things am I not lying not only to the world but to myself. I realize I have people there for me but for some reason I have times where I doubt them. I can’t forget the times when I looked in the mirror and said ew even though people would compliment my looks. And finally I’m so young people say I have plenty of opportunity, I feel like such a waste. Time feels like it’s constantly slipping away from me or is against me. The saying ”time heals” feels like such a lie right now. But the last thing I’d like to say is the pandemic actually helped me feel better since I had time to reflect by myself but now that they’re lifting the restrictions I’m feeling worst and worst.