Socio-economic circle
I recently got rejected from a college course i applied to. It’s the third time ive been rejected for college, this has been the case ever since i became old enough (16) to go to college in The Netherlands . It was never my lack of drive and ambition to pursue an education that got me rejected…neither my grades! I always showed willingness to learn and really applied myself where needed and extra…yet it was never enough.
So where does that leave me? well…that leaves me with no education, no job and no money. Colleges close their doors on me whenever i apply for education, the job market…closes it’s doors on me whenever i apply for a job. It forces me to take government benefits (even tho i don’t want to) just so i can pay for basic necessities (such as food, clothing and shelter). It forces me to partake in shitty government programs that promise to help you turn your life for the better, so you can get that education or job you have ambitions for…(basically a Dutch version of the ”American dream”) but it’s all one big f**king waste of time since you remain stuck in the same position before you accepted their help!
I’ve lost 9 years of my life to getting rejected by colleges and the job market…now i’m 25 and i have no education, no job, no money and quite some debts that are growing by the day. I’ve just about tried everything that people have suggested to me to get ahead…but it’s not working!
I’ve also had some shady experiences in education and the job market that are now convincing me that discrimination on the basis of my race (black) likely also plays a role in me being rejected.
I’m so depressed…i feel a deep sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life. I’m not eating well neither am i sleeping well. All of this along with other personal problems makes it hard to not check out from this f**ked up game called life.
The grave is calling me…i can feel it deep in my bones!
2 comments
Maybe you could apply to universities in other countries? If you’ve taken your entrance exams, you can retake them and better your score. The trick to getting into universities are effective application [a good cover letter will change your life] and decent academic record.
Interesting side note, I have looked specifically into going to the Netherlands for school. I definitely get the draw, and taking it in your home country feels familiar so it’s probably more than mine. I got into a C-list school but with a good education, I’ve been out of school for about a year, and I heard back from my dream employer [for my city]. This job would allow me to get paid to research stuff. Man, if you think academics is hell getting into a good school, do you know the struggle that professors have to go through? A-list schools like to hire other A-listers, but the A-list schools make more graduate students than they can keep employed, and so the bottom of that barrell go teach at a B list school, and so on and so on. Occasionally you’ll find an embittered old scientist still shaking his fist to the world at C list, and I am 100% it doesn’t happen nearly as often at A list schools.
My research mentor was an embittered old scientist. Made me the man I am today; burnt out, used up, and floating by noticing that a whole lot of us are dealing with way too much pain. I don’t blame him, but now I’m an embittered scientist, and I wanted to avoid the embittered part.
Being bright but not spectacular is a painful thing, I know that better than most.
“Being bright but not spectacular is a painful thing, I know that better than most.”
Never truer words, my dear. I know that all too well… -_-