Again

It’s getting bad again. Not like before but worse. At least before it went away for a day or two before returning. Now it’s the only constant. Neverending and just getting worse. I think I want it to stop but I’m not sure. It the only thing I have right now. It it leaves, what will happen? Will I get better or will that be it for me.
I just want relief from this shit.
Nothing helps it anymore. Cutting used to but it’s pointless to me now. Pills make everything worse. Suicide seems to be my only way out but I don’t wanna die.
I don’t think so at least.
I just wanna be good again. I don’t think I will be though. Not like before. I’m always going to have the bad days but I wish they weren’t every damn day. Maybe if mom were here she could help. You killed her though. It’s selfish for you to want her back when you’re the reason she got sick
It has to have been you. You fuck everything else up so why wouldn’t you fuck up this. She gone because of you. It’s all your fault. It’s always been you.
I would go through with suicide but it would destroy my dad. It’d be selfish if I did that to him.