Self Harm Story

As the title says, this is about things having to do with self-harm, so obviously a warning for that. I am not sure if this post will end up as sad and depressing going on as the other one did- But I guess I will have to find out.

I first started self-harm when I was 11. I was mostly influenced by a friend at summer camp saying that it helped her calm down. I remember so vividly the day I got home after accidentally saying something that hurt my friend. (I often do not understand what I’m saying is mean, it’s really weird but please do not be mean about it). I went into the kitchen as my dad was outside putting chorine in the pool. I grabbed a small knife and went to my room, slicing my arms. I was very aggravated that the cuts weren’t bleeding like my friend’s arms did so I quickly found something to draw more blood. I had a pin I got from summer camp and started stabbing it into my arm. The first time I did it, blood was spewing out like a fountain. I really scared myself that day, so I’m unsure what compelled me to keep stabbing. The second time I remember was at camp with the friend I mentioned before. I’ll call her Nil. She brought a razor blade to camp, and we hid behind trees together. She gave me tips on how to cut myself and what things to use like sharpeners and staples. It makes me sick saying this now, but I also talked to Nil about how I stabbed my wrist. Nil congratulated me. I felt validated that I had a friend to do these “activities” with despite knowing I was hurting myself.

I’m older now, was a year clean up until a month ago. I’m unsure on what happened. School is a huge stressor, forcing myself to keep my grades above a 90. I’m doing better than I thought I would with that. But every assignment I feel like I have to sacrifice a percentage of my happiness for. And now I’m at an all-time low. Over the years I went from stabbing my wrists, slicing my legs and after the one year clean- I started slicing my upper arm and chest. With both of my arms slashed up its really uncomfortable sleeping for the first night with it but the second day its less tender. I apologize for the graphic descriptions. I think I’m going to end it here though since I have nothing really more to say. At least it didn’t get too depressing as the last one did.