Daily involuntary thoughts

I hate myself. I ruined my life to the point where I don’t think it’s possible to change how I see myself. I’m so mad at myself for ruining my teeth. I had perfect teeth and after struggling with bullimia, my bottom teeth started chipping and falling out despite having stopped throwing up for about a year. I’m so embarrassed where I start shaking at the thought of having to humiliate myself if I tried to fix it. I think why do that if I kill myself anyways. It’s like my brain knows if I make myself feel worse then the easier it would be to kill myself. Every night at work I take my dinner break in my car and park at the top of the parking garage all alone and think about dying.