Hey everyone, I just wanted to share my story here. Currently I am nearly 30 years old (dutch male) and a long time reader of this site. Since the age of 20 I have had a problem with my gums. They get infected regularly despite everything I do to prevent just that. I brush twice a day with an electric toothbrush, I floss and rinse afterwards with antibacterial mouthwash once a day. Besides that I visit the dental hygienist 3-4 times a year for a thorough clean. I eat, exercise and live healthy. Despite all that my gums are bleeding all the time and just keep receding. The gum recession has gotten extreme over the past years and there is just nothing I can think of to stop it anymore. I have had 4 surgeries to correct the recession, but it continues anyway.
Over the years this has broken me mentally. I am so very ashamed of the state of my mouth. Some days I make lots of pictures with my phone and I check mirrors regularly to look at what other people could be seeing. I am not comfortable smiling. I think overall I am quite good looking, and within a year I will be a medical doctor. Despite that I haven’t had a girlfriend for nearly a decade. It is controlling my life. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I have tried everything. I don’t want to continue living like this, but I cant bear the thought of leaving my loving family, especially my mother.
Does anyone else have a problem with the way he or she looks?
4 comments
It’s truly commendable you getting a medical degree despite yourself suffering from such a chronic ailment. More power to you, doc. Hope the condition with gums improves
I will always look overweight in my face, even though I have always been at a healthy weight. At the moment I’m at the best weight of my life, 190 pounds, 6’2-6’3 depending on posture and shoes.
I think that you should credit your studies at least somewhat for keeping you single. Doctor is a hard job, the studies are all consuming. Where I live in the United States it is common for young (as in 30s) doctors to be unmarried. It also probably has something to do with your self confidence.
I can’t help but think; you’re putting too much pressure on your romantic life. I can relate, but there’s more to you than that. Similarly, your flaws are part of what make you human.
Which isn’t to diminish the pain you talk about, or try to dismiss it. Most of my struggle is the same; trying to alter things beyond my control. On my good days, I focus on what I can control. On my bad, I get through the day, knowing it is one less I have to live.
I don’t know how helpful that may be, but it is what I can offer, thus it will have to be enough.
Not sure if it makes you feel any better but I think I have a similar problem and I’m your age. I was bulimic and ruined my teeth. I stopped but the damage was done and one day recently my bottom front just started chipped off completely and I lost it crying for hours and I’m humiliated and terrified to see help. I keep thinking why embarrass myself if I’m just going to kill myself anyways.
I have terrible dysmorphia which contributed to suicide attempts. I understand hating how you look and being isolated because of it.
I’m a woman around your age and I have chronically receding gums too…and it completely sucks. mouth/teeth health affects the whole system, even heart health.
it must be really hard going through that and you are so strong to be going through your degree in spite of all that.
are you taking lots of vitamin c? you probably know as a doctor that it affects gum health, but you didn’t mention it so i’m just curious. i know not all doctors study nutrition in-depth.
probiotics can help too – taking lots of antibiotics can mess with the ecology in your mouth and you didn’t mention putting any good bacteria back in there
i don’t know whether you’ve found that the wash you’re using helps at all but sometimes trying something a bit less harsh can help
it sounds like the recession will continue no matter what you do though
i’m curious for myself – what recourse is there for people who can’t stop recession no matter what?
are you against wearing dentures of some kind?
are there no cosmetic solutions at all?
i worry that this will be my fate, too.
it’s extremely painful not being able to find a romantic partner and i’m really sorry you’re going through that in so much loneliness.
I used to work in retail and i had a customer once with way worse gum recession than mine. She smiled when I complimented her hat and then immediately covered her mouth with her hands in shame. The truth is, I saw that there was something wrong with her teeth but her smile was actually beautiful anyway. I don’t think she believed me when i told her that, but after seeing that I realized it’s possible to have a wonderful smile even with a messed up mouth.
not everyone is looking at you the way you see yourself. my dysmorphia taught me that.
sometimes feeling bad about yourself and projecting low self-esteem is more unattractive than whatever it is you’re feeling bad about.
so it can be helpful to address the depression from other angles, not just trying to fix how you look.
but i know how superficial people are, at the same time, and how hard it is. it’s probably physically painful too.
i’m not trying to minimize your experience, just trying to share some stuff i learned after decades of literally feeling like a gross monster.
everything is so much harder to deal with when you’re lonely so i do understand.
at least you’re smart and well-educated. you are amazing to do that. i can’t say the same for myself at all. and yet i still know i’m worthy of love, even if i never find it. I didn’t ask to be this way and somehow i just know i’m not fundamentally worth less than anyone else just because i’m ugly, ill , sad and poor. and unpleasant. and not much fun to be with. lol
you have so much more going for you than i do – please don’t let this defeat you.