Lately i’ve been feeling empty, I always lie on my bed and do nothing other than my schoolwork. I have friends? Yes. A loving father and a not so loving mother. I have a stable family, a stable home, and a stable future. But I always felt like I was lonely and well, empty. I don’t think being this way is valid by all means but I can’t stop it, i’ve beginning to get less interested in my hobbies that i’ve had fun for years. But now it feels like everytime I do them, the blankness in my mind spreads more quickly. I have commited 3 failed suicide attempts, all of them overdosage on medicine, it might seem morbid but everytime I do them, I always felt at peace. I don’t know if I need help or not but being to rant all about this without anyone close to me knowing is really nice.
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i was like that in school. i chose dark friends some years and isolation, doing my homework on my bed, in others. i was deeply depressed, but dismissive of it because i didn’t remember well enough a time when i had been happy. and then of course was the suffocating presence of my family, under whose thumb i struggled to think for myself. parents are the biggest roadblock in a depressed adolescent’s recovery. or perhaps not in every case.
i will say this, take yourself seriously. you will need help if in your estimation, you are persistently sad. i will also say take the time out to understand yourself. adolescence is hard. it will be harder if you are depressed alongside. learn to recognize your darker emotions, analyze them, record them, learn what makes them tick and what disappear. journal if it helps. don’t ignore the symptoms now, this is an illness which only grows.