I can’t fill this void with enough to conjure memories of where I used to be. I miss the warm souls that made up my life. They’re all gone. All the good things that made me happy. The people I loved, the places, the feelings, it’s never replenished.
It’s been a decade of searching for meaning and a new chapter. I can’t feel happy. It’s a dreadful existence.
and I hate the world around me… I can’t help it. So I tried an antidepressant for a month, I still feel the same, just a bit better. It’s not enough, still. I feel like a dim flame. It isn’t fair. and I understand the perspective, “why make us suffer through this, let us go” because it’s suffering, depression.
It’s interesting how similar the afterlife is to a dreamy place. When you’ve lost someone close to you, all you do is dream about reuniting with them. At least I do. Constantly. and nostalgia, I can’t stop thinking about where I need to be, with my past. This vague, mundane existence is nothing compared to dreaming of those places. It’s probably the only thing that brings light to me. The rest of the world becomes void, I can be where I want to be.