Not sure how to post, first time
I have decided that it’s time for me to go. For most of my life, I have pretended that everything was well and tried to convince myself. But there was always a whole that is growing bigger and bigger. Now I feel constant pain, anxiety, sadness. I don’t want to keep fighting it, I made peace with myself and my choice. I know that I’m going to make many people very sad and they will not understand my choice but I’m already making them sad today by being constantly unhappy and toxic.
I have already decided on how to do it (exit bag) but I have to wait for another couple of months for my life insurance to be valid. These guys won’t pay if the insured dies of suicide the first 2 years, which I can’t blame them for. That way, my family will be left financially in a good situation. But I don’t know how to survive another 2 months. I just want to lay down and sleep and not wake up. It’s such a struggle to wake up, go to work, do my work, come back home and try to appear normal.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, maybe it will help me cope for a bit longer…
4 comments
Don’t do that… :/ They need you
“Don’t do that”? So you’re in favor of him suffering? Not cool
Life is just a sick game to see who can take the most shit before they blow their brains out in misery. No “reward” in this shitty cold world is worth all this constant pain
Is it better to continue living, being toxic to my family and drag them down with me? Or go and give them a chance to be happy without me and my dark cloud around?
And I will