Before you start reading about my shitty life i just want to say that my english kinda suck soo real sorry for everything wrong with it.
I would have leave a long story of mine here but i dont give a fuck anymore the only think that is on my mind is that i completly failed at life and the only way for me to live would be giving up on all my dreams and passions just soo i can work 5 days a week sleep for 2 days of weekend and go back to work that is killing me inside sometimes having only 1 day off work and even though im only 17y/o i cant change anything about it because as i wrote in the beggining i failed at my life let me explain in my country there are shools for complete retards or people that didnt give a fuck about anything thier whole life just like me (mostly because i had suicidal thoughts from the age of 12 that have appeard along my antisociall behaviors and being an outsider because of my natural red hair other kids at this country always beat the shit out of someone like me 😀 but i dont want to type everything from the age of 12 to now here becouse i could write a fck book here if i would do that) and its like they have a teaching shedule 2 days of school and 3 days of “professional practice” yeeeeah…. i didnt learn shit from that 3 years of that practice and now its 2 months before the end of my education then i will have no other choice but to work 5 days a week as i wrote at the beggining and with how im always feeling dead after 3 days of this shit waking up at 4 am just soo i can get there to be ready working from 6 am (THATS FUCKING NIGHT FOR ME AND IM SUPPOSED TO ALREADY GET TO WORK NICE) i just dont want to have a life like that i dont want to get up to go to work to come back home go to sleep and like that over and over again beacause why would and thats my first reason why i would like to end my life as soon as possible im just having problems doing it i thought it would be easier… Second thing is absolut zero social integracions i dont even talk with my parents i just dont want to i had friends before and they all just ghosted me i dont know why everyone i used to know is just pretending like we never meet before even the guy i ALWAYS was talking to at breaks in primary school the guy that made me more sociable he was the only one to talk to me he was the popular kid and yet i was his best friend back then i really dont know why he left me ive started seing that at the 7th grade that he is starting to dislike me for whatever reason… Not even saying a thing about being loved or shit like that i never experienced such a thing because of how fucked up i am and how low my chances are for finding someone that would love me… Im starting to typing here a little to much about myself… I could add that after being hardly isolated (at work i dont give a fuck about anything nor anyone im just thinking about getting back home to sleep) i started to loose emotions from sometime i cant cry anymore i cant feel happiness like before i only know hatred that i feel toward everything and everyone… I just want to tell if someone reading this pls dont fuck up your life or find a job that you are passionate about because else you could end like me… Dead…. I really hate it that im still alive i was planing my suicide for soo long but i still got fucking hope why would i think anything will change…
I would have leave a long story of mine here but i dont give a fuck anymore the only think that is on my mind is that i completly failed at life and the only way for me to live would be giving up on all my dreams and passions just soo i can work 5 days a week sleep for 2 days of weekend and go back to work that is killing me inside sometimes having only 1 day off work and even though im only 17y/o i cant change anything about it because as i wrote in the beggining i failed at my life let me explain in my country there are shools for complete retards or people that didnt give a fuck about anything thier whole life just like me (mostly because i had suicidal thoughts from the age of 12 that have appeard along my antisociall behaviors and being an outsider because of my natural red hair other kids at this country always beat the shit out of someone like me 😀 but i dont want to type everything from the age of 12 to now here becouse i could write a fck book here if i would do that) and its like they have a teaching shedule 2 days of school and 3 days of “professional practice” yeeeeah…. i didnt learn shit from that 3 years of that practice and now its 2 months before the end of my education then i will have no other choice but to work 5 days a week as i wrote at the beggining and with how im always feeling dead after 3 days of this shit waking up at 4 am just soo i can get there to be ready working from 6 am (THATS FUCKING NIGHT FOR ME AND IM SUPPOSED TO ALREADY GET TO WORK NICE) i just dont want to have a life like that i dont want to get up to go to work to come back home go to sleep and like that over and over again beacause why would and thats my first reason why i would like to end my life as soon as possible im just having problems doing it i thought it would be easier… Second thing is absolut zero social integracions i dont even talk with my parents i just dont want to i had friends before and they all just ghosted me i dont know why everyone i used to know is just pretending like we never meet before even the guy i ALWAYS was talking to at breaks in primary school the guy that made me more sociable he was the only one to talk to me he was the popular kid and yet i was his best friend back then i really dont know why he left me ive started seing that at the 7th grade that he is starting to dislike me for whatever reason… Not even saying a thing about being loved or shit like that i never experienced such a thing because of how fucked up i am and how low my chances are for finding someone that would love me… Im starting to typing here a little to much about myself… I could add that after being hardly isolated (at work i dont give a fuck about anything nor anyone im just thinking about getting back home to sleep) i started to loose emotions from sometime i cant cry anymore i cant feel happiness like before i only know hatred that i feel toward everything and everyone… I just want to tell if someone reading this pls dont fuck up your life or find a job that you are passionate about because else you could end like me… Dead…. I really hate it that im still alive i was planing my suicide for soo long but i still got fucking hope why would i think anything will change…