I always come back to this place no matter what. I’ve lived happily in life after suicide attempts and going to treatment and actually enjoyed happiness for the better part of two years. However, no matter the amount of therapy, no matter the medication, no matter the meditation, no matter the physical exercise, I always end up back here. I could try to get back up and keep going again and it might be the time that I prevail but I choose not to. I choose to let go. To let go of this life and everything in it. I wonder at times about future and if I should and if things matter. The truth is I don’t think this life actually matters. The good we do, the bad we do, none of it matters. If we believe in god or religion we think we will be judged. I think god loves us all as we are, after all he created us and understands us. He will understand that this is the end for me.
3 comments
3 comments
If there is a god, he is a tragic mess without any focus or aim. Maybe he loves us, maybe he’s indifferent, maybe he’s utterly impotent to alter the course of events. Maybe he’s just a jerk. Or maybe he’s that sense we have that this life is strange and can induce migraines from all the latent contradictions built into it. On the one hand, life doesn’t matter at all. The Neanderthals would probably look at how we live today and wonder how we could ever survive, much less wipe them out and dominate the planet. Most of us don’t even know how to grow our own food! On the other hand, life is the only thing separating us from the pure, unadulterated indifference surrounding us, just beyond the horizon. So it matters immensely, from a cosmic perspective, but only if you have awareness. If you’re not alive, nothing can possibly matter more or less. Whatever this thing called, “you” is, becomes one with the endless indifference that every rock feels when a toe gets stubbed on it. I dunno if it’s better to be like the rock, or like we are now, but everybody eventually returns to being like the rock and we’re only able to appreciate the difference for a little while.
Well said Rivets, I suspect you’ve dabbled in philosophy, if not I’d recommend reading Michel Foucault, one of my favorite philosophers. There are other good ones like Nietzsche, Morris Berman, Aristotle and many I’ve forgotten but Foucault is definitely one of the best.
@OP,
We’re all just here because our parents copulated and nothing more. I’m sorry to hear that nothing is working for you in terms of improving your outlook on life, but sometimes the problem is life itself and not anything else.
It’s never a ‘fun’ decision to want to end one’s life, but people are driven to that kind of thinking because they’ve grown dissatisfied with their existence for some reason.
Life is hard enough even if one is healthy and from a middle-class family. It’s a constant struggle. For some people it can be worth it, for others it’s not it’s always a personal decision.
As for God, if there was one, and if he was anything like the one described in the Abrahamic religions, then I think the world would be a scary place. Since I’ve never seen any evidence for any superbeing/creator, I have concluded one does not exist, or if he does, he doesn’t care to make himself known to us.
I worry about Gods as much as I worry about Klingons, Sith Lords or Ice Giants, that is not at all, neither should anyone else. Live your life as if there isn’t a god because there really isn’t.