as of lately i have realized that i have not hidden the fact that i want to die. i have realized that it resides on the way my face rests and the way my eyes shadow darker every day. the way i carry myself and the way i talk about my future. the way i act and rashly make decisions. it’s not hidden and its out in the open. upon figuring this out, i have asked myself why my mom doesnt see it. why she doesnt,,,,,look. and i realized that she does see it. she sees it clearly but does not do a thing. she just looks away. and i am now convinced that the only way shell see me is if i attempt again. but then again its not guaranteed.
with this in mind, i have decided that even if she doesn’t acknowledge me, i shall still attempt because i will still be stuck miserable and unmoving. i will always be stuck,,,alone. alone and shattered. im so tired. so so tired.