I don’t know what to do anymore

and already feel stuff a minor shouldn’t feel at an early age. I can’t just do it anymore my parents have high expectations in me and I have to carry all of them, they compare me to everybody that’s better than me, get angry at little stuff, if only I wasn’t a honor student would they change? I love them so much as my parents but why can’t they understand that I’m a real human being and have my own opinions and paths? I know they are just trying to make me top notch but even harassed my girl bestfriend cause they thought I was dating her? They don’t support with the paths I choose, they are always the ONE that plans it. Now I am a loser, I don’t know what to do anymore, I lost my interest that I used to loved when I was a kid, I only suck everything up by eating once a day, play video games and help strangers, I don’t know anymore. I wanna kill myself but I’m scared, I’m still a kid I have to enjoy my teenager life, but why can’t I? I only have some friends, though I don’t really mind since they have been with me for 6 years. All I just want is validation and love from my parents, I feel pathetic, I’m 12 and already feeling this dumb stuff, anytime soon I might just drop and killed myself without knowing, while writing this I feel trash, everything is dark, no one came and helped me, even my half-brother. My parent’s say if I feel troubling I should tell them but whenever I do they tell me I’m just being overdramatic and WHY I am feeling this way when got all of the thing I wanted, I don’t want the stuff you bought for me, I just wanna see you be happy that I’m trying my best, and let me decide my decisions, I’m almost in my teenage years. To anyone that felt the same way as me, just know that even though we do not know each other, I love you for staying strong, please stay safe and live happily. please live your life to the fullest and don’t let other people stop you, but don’t do TOO much things or you’ll end up hurting yourself haha, stay safe people!