In summary, I had everything planned out for me to die today. I had all the materials, the steps, literally everything in place for my third attempt. However, I was taking a bit to take action and actually begin, then I waited a little bit longer because I chickened out, and then I saw it. The queen died. It feels like a cosmic message to me, as I see all this commotion and all the different people that feel sad over her death. I imagine my family will feel a similar sort of shock, to have a 16 year old dead by suicide. That one cousin, grandchild, son, nephew that will never be seen breathe again. It sounds dreadful. I still battle through some remaining suicidal thoughts, but they all come to an end when I think of the possible suffering I’ll be causing to my family and acquaintances. God, imagine having a friend that suicided. Like, one moment they’re there texting you, then BAM, they’re a memory. Just a corpse. Dead. Forever just rotting, decaying matter. One moment a soul, another just worm’s food. I don’t know about you guys on here but that’s scary at least to me. Now, tomorrow I’ll have another opportunity to die which honestly I might just take it to see what happens but still, I feel like it’s a shared experienced of ours to contemplate suicide battling through the very very scary thoughts of making our friends and family sad, as well as having to face whatever the f*ck is on the other side. And yeah, if it weren’t for all that queen ruckus I wouldn’t have thought again about the consequences of death.
1 comment
I went through abuse around 15 years of age because of parents. I may or may not know what you’re going through. The title is a bit ironic and I’ll be honest you probably got 75% of this website to laugh their ass at the title. In all honesty the title is very eye grabbing and catching. Please know Discord does exist and there are many servers where you can make friends too.