I hate the quiet. When the whole house is asleep and I’m left awake with only my thoughts. I hate my thoughts the most. During the day I can ignore them and keep the flashbacks and memories at bay. At night there’s no escaping it.
The doctors have been giving me meds for almost two decades. Eventually they wear off and loose effectiveness. I end up feeling like I’m spinning again. Out of control. I’m tired of it. I just want to turn it off. I can’t live like this forever. I can’t live like this much longer. I want to cancel my subscription to life.
1 comment
Would you say that you consciously steer your stream of thinking in certain directions during the day, or is it more true that your thinking seems “automatic”? If your thinking is more automatic, are you ever able to notice it and say, “Oh, I’m thinking automatically again”? Just trying to understand the place you’re coming from