why me

i dont know why but i cant handle looking at myself. it makes me want to cry but i just cant. i seriously dont even know why this happens. i have a boyfriend but i know he could do so much better than me. i look at myself and i just want to disappear. my existence is embarrassing. i dont want to know what other people see. all of my friends are so pretty and i cant help but feel ugly.i dont even know if im ugly. i just want someone to tell me the truth. i dont want people to lie and try to make me feel better. my boyfriend hasnt seen me without my mask off. i send him photos and videos but i cant hide the fact that im afraid of his opinion irl. boys at school call me ugly and make fun of me. they ruined everything. i feel so vunerable and i hate being vunerable.