im one of those people who can never be invisible even if they want to be.
every time im surrounded by people i feel as if i couldn’t be anymore lonely. even with my friends, my family all i ever feel is that there is a wall and the worst part is that it doesn’t bother me, i feel as if its better this way because if i tore down that wall i would be hurt time and time again just like before. and i doubt i’ll be able to make it through this time.
loneliness silently creeps in and stays with you, growing on you, feeding off of you and once it settles in there is no going back. because it might be lonely but you start to find comfort in it. the kind of comfort which is uncomfortable in every way but its all you have left with you.
loneliness stays with you when no one else does.
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The only latin I know: “nunquam minus solus quam cum solus”
“Never less alone than when alone” or “you’re only lonely around others”
I’ve also found that attention and interactions just make the isolation worse. If you’re truly by yourself at least you can imagine talking to someone. But if you’re actually talking to them and they have no clue what’s going on in your head, that’s the loneliest you can ever feel.
It’s along the lines of what I keep ranting about here… When you finally get the things that are supposed to fix you and still nothing works, then you know what hopeless means.